… more than one year on

A year to the day since those in the UK woke up under a stay at home order. And I have to say, the idea of being confined at first filled many with both fear and excitement. I honestly, don’t think we had any idea what to expect, but at the time – three weeks of being at home seemed like a sensible and quick way to get back to our old lives.

It rapidly became clear, that only being allowed out once a day, and uncertainty of “what happens next?” escalated into anxiety about going shopping to the point of stockpiling, and nervousness about exercising for longer than you should to protect those who really did need to go out – especially key workers.

Over time, with the continued presence of rules and restrictions, we’ve adapted our lives to a brand new way of thinking. We are now fearful of being too close, of breaking rules or catching a cold. We can’t remember a real watercooler chat, getting on a packed commuter train or grabbing your lunch in a hurried lunch break. But even more so than that, I think there has become a clear divide of acceptance and desperate denial. Are we still really trying to get back to where we were knowing that those old lives are forever changed?

After yesterdays day of reflection on a year since lockdown began, seeing stories about what has come out of the last year, it’s hard to know where to step next as we remain in a restrictive phase. There’s so much possibility on the horizon.

I’ll be honest, like most people I’m both tired of lockdown and nervous about the “what next”. I’ve got so used to the days and nights almost becoming one endless cycle that the idea of routine and structure is so alien. Being honest, I thrive on routine and structure – I used to be up first thing and straight to a workout, into my office for the busy day ahead, back to a busy evening of studying or socialising and making dinner – to repeat. I don’t feel particularly negatively towards a routine, I’ve just lost that. And because I’ve accepted we won’t actually be returning to our old lives (in fact, my life is totally different to this time a year ago), I don’t really know where to begin in forming a new one. I don’t want to start making a plan for it to all be put aside again.

It will come as no surprise then, I’m feeling at a bit of a crossroads and having an identity crisis. I’m not sure I’m ready for the post-lockdown world but I am ready for something different.

These opinions are all my own and reflect only my own thoughts at the time of writing. Finance and business content will resume in short order.

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